Funny SMS Collection

If I was an artist,
you would be my picture!
If I was a poet,
you would be my inspiration!
If I was an author you would be my story!

But I'm only a cartoonist!

166 Characters

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What is the height of telling a lie?
A negro telling his girlfriend, "tenu kaala chasma jachda hai, jachda hai gore mukhde te"

127 Characters

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Teacher: Agar apna character sudharna hai to sab auraton ko MAA kaha karo.
Student: Madam is se mera character to theek rahega, par mere baap ka bigad jayega.

160 Characters

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Medical Shayari
When you breathe, you respire!
Wah Wah!
When you breathe, you respire!
Wah Wah!

When you don't breathe, you expire!
Wah Wah, kya baat hai!

168 Characters

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Jise koyal samjhe, woh kauwa nikla. Dosti ke naam par hauwa nikla. Jo roka karte they humein sharab peene se, aaj unki jeb se pauwa nikla.

138 Characters

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Jija: Sali ji, aapke yahan ki sabse mash-hoor cheez kaunsi hai?
Sali: Jija ji, jo mash-hoor thi, usey to aap le gaye!

118 Characters

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Media: Prince, bahar aa kar acha lag raha hai?
Prince: Kya acha lagega? Andar choclate thi, pastry thi, milk badam tha. Thodi der aur ruk jaate shayad Bipasha bhi aa jati.
172 Characters

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Boy: I am not rich like rohit, I don't even have a bid car like rohit. But I really love you!
Girl: I love you too, but tell me more about rohit..
  147 Characters

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Patient to Doc: Aapne nurse bahut achhi rakhi hai, uska haath lagte hi main theek ho gaya.
Doctor: Jaanta hu, thappad ki awaaz mujhe bhi sunai di thi.

151 Characters

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Kal kare so aaj kar, aaj kar so ab. Kal kare so aaj kar, aaj kar so ab. Abey karta hi rahega to dhoyega kab?

108 Characters

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Ek ladka ek ladki k saath baitha tha. 2nd day doosri ladki k saath deha gaya. 3rd day koi aur ladki thi. 4th day kisi nayi ladki ke saath tha
Moral: Ladkiyan badal jaati hain, ladke nahin badaltey

197 Characters

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Dream makes everything possible, Hope makes everything work, Luv makes everything beautiful, Smile makes all the above... So always Brush ur Teeth

146 Characters

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Do u know similarity between Dinosaurs and Decent Girls?
Both don't exist.

75 Characters

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Baba ji ka mela laga hai haridwar mein. Prashad mein Recharge Coupon diye jayenge. Kisi aur ko mat batana. Ye SMS sirf chuninda bhikhariyon ko bheje ja raha hai

160 Characters

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Monday went on Tuesday 2 Wednesday and asked Thursday whether Friday has told Saturday that Sunday is a holiday. Have a Great Sunday...

135 Characters

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Mom: Beti badi ho kar kya karogi?
Beti: Kuch nahin... Maan banungi, padhungi, shaadi karungi... aur kya?
Mom: Jo karna hai karo par zara serial order mein karna.

163 Characters

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Dad : Son, what do you want for your birthday?
Son : Not much dad, just a radio with a sports car around it.

110 Characters

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A Love Letter from BISCUIT MAKER- Dear Marie, Today is Good Day, U r Anmol for me... But U have Crackjacked my Heart, Bcoz I have a Little Heart, Now I m in 50/50 position...

174 Characters

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Which are the 2 latest versions of java.

Think... think... think...

Marjava & Mitjava
92 Characters

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Wife: Kya kar rahe ho?
Man: Makkhiya maar rha hu.
Wife: Kitni mari?
Man: 3 male aur 2 female.
Wife: Kaise malum?
Man: Kyonki 3 daru ki botal se chipki thi or 2 phone se...

176 Characters

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Ik sherni nach rahi si, usnu dekhke thodi door ik chuha vi nach reha si.
Sherni ne puchia ki ho gaya?
Chuha kehnda, "Nachne nu kare mera jee, haye ni tenu nachdi vekh ke".

174 Characters

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INDIA Ko
Aazaad Hue 57
Sal
Hue
Phir Bhi
No PROGRESS!
why? Kyunki Aaj
Bhi
INDIA Ki
Bholi Janta
KAAM-DHANDHA
Chhod Kar
hamara SMS padh
rahi hai...

170 Characters

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Tum haste raho, nachte raho, muskurate raho, sada khil khilate raho, khush raho aur gungunate raho, mera kya hai, log tumhe hi pagal samzhenge....

146 Characters

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Lady drinking coke, machhar falls in. Lady takes it out, machhar says "MAA"! Lady asks why did you call me "MAA"? machhar says, "Main teri coke se nikla hoon, MAA!"..

166 Characters

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In a train, ticket checker to a saint: Ticket please!
Saint: I don't have.
TT: Where do you want to go?
Saint: Lord Ram's birth place, Ayodhya!
TT: Come, lets go!
Saint: Where?
TT: Lord Krishna'a birth place, Jail.

220 Characters

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Pyar to humein bhi karna tha, par kuch khaas nahi hua. Tajmahal to humein bhi banana tha..
par afsoos ke....


loan pass nahi hua...

136 Characters

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Ladki ek aisi paheli hai, kabhi teri to kabhi meri saheli hai.
Kharcha karo to bole "darling, how are you?". Na karo to bole "brother, who are you?".

150 Characters

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Commerce professor asks the student: what is the most important source of finance for starting business?

Student: "Father in law".

133 Characters

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An englishman, bihari & punjabi were standing on roof. They decided to throw down whatever was available in excess with them.
Englishman threw pounds, Bihari threw rice & Punjabi threw the Bihari down.

203 Characters

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Rabri: Ka karat ho?
Laalu: Ek dost ko chitthi likhat hu!
Rabri: Par tuhar likhna to aawe nahi.
Laalu: Vo sasura bhi to padhna nahi jaanat.

141 Characters

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Chuha to haathi: tuhadi umar kinni hai?
Haathi: 1 Saal, te teri?
Chuha: Umar ta meri v 1 saal hi hai, par saale nashe patte ne mittran di sehat down jehi karti.

162 Characters

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Doli wali car dekh-ke heer ne cheekan maariyan ne. Kehandi main ta rikshe ch jaun, car ch ta pehlan hi 6 sawarian ne.

117 Characters

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Every Indian women is RANI KAXMI BAI in her life.
RANI - Before marriage.
LAXMI - After marriage.
BAI - After children.

122 Characters

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Maalik: Ramu, iss saal tum 4 bar apne dada ke marne ki chutti le chuke ho.
Ramu: Maalik, iss bar meri dadi ki shaadi hai.

122 Characters

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What do you call a female who never laughs?



"HASINA"

59 Characters

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Great Calculation: Only 20% boys have brains.
Rest have



Girlfriends

75 Characters

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Phoolon mein gulab achha lagta hai, har chehre par shabab achha lagta hai, aap hamesha naak se chuhe nikalte rahen, hamein aapka yahi andaaz achha lagta hai.

157 Characters

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Ek bar baarish ho rahi thi, ek aadmi chatri lekar ja raha tha, chatri ke upar ek keeda aur keedi khade hue thay, keedi hawa se udd gayi. Keeda bola, "Mitran di chatri to udd gayi, ambran te laundi hain udariyan."
  212 Characters

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An engineering student to his sweeper brother: I have got degree, I have got knowledge, I can sit in society. What do you have?
Sweeper: I have the job.

153 Characters

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Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

107 Characters

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Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says 'To the only boy I ever loved'
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them.
  147 Characters

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Beauty is not how you look, it is not how handsome u r, it is not ur figure too... Beauty is the inner self, so change ur underwear daily.

138 Characters

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Always start your day with a lot of S E X
S-mile
E-nergy
X-citement
so make SEX a daily habit, & u'll always be SMILING!

124 Characters

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Mallika went to a swimming pool in a BRA & PANTY.
Guard: Madam here 2 piece costume is not allowed!
Mallika: Kaun sa utaroon?

127 Characters

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Girlfriend ko I love u bolna hai or recharge khatam. Ab kya kare? Mein batata hoon kya karein. Theke pe jao, quarter lo, 4 peg maro or g/f k ghar k bahar khade ho k jor se chilaao I Luv U. Kabootar mehenga pad jaayega. Rum ka Paua ab sirf 10 RS mein.

250 Characters

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Who Wants 2 B A
£MILLIONAIRE£

Let's play?
Q.Nobody likes u cos u r a:


A.Cunt B.Wanka

C.Rsole D.Twat



50/50



Phone a friend?


RING ME! I'LL TELL U!

176 Characters

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Q: What did the gangster's son tell his dad when he failed his
examination?
A: Dad they questioned me for 3 hours but I never told them anything."

150 Characters

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Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.

225 Characters

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Getting married is very much like going to a restaurant with friends.
You order what you want, then when you see what the other person has, you wish you had ordered that.

172 Characters

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Jab tum is duniya se jaoge,
Door kahin ek naya janam paoge,
Is bar galtee se jo hua so hua,
Mujhe yakeen hai agli bar lambi poonch aur 4 taang ke saath aaoge..!!!

169 Characters

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Munna bhai: Agar bina danto ka kutta kate to kya karna chahiye...???

Circuit: simple bhai... Bina sui ka injection lene ka..!!!

131 Characters

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Kabhi hausla bhi azma lena chahiye,
Bure waqt me muskura lena chahiye,
Agar 7ve din bhi khujli na mite to 8ve din naha lena chahiye..!!!

140 Characters

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Dosti karo college wali se, pyar karo office wali se, batein karo pados wali se, ankh ladao sali se, love karo dilvali se, AUR MAR KHAO GHARVALI SE.

148 Characters

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Twinkle Twinkle Jatt di car,  
Khadke glassi in the bar,
Punjabi Bhangra te
Chicken Fry,
Always TALLI
never CRY !!!

125 Characters

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Good news! A new way to send Romantic kiss to your girlfriend. Just call me and order your kiss. I will personally go and deliver it.

133 Characters

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Mon to Sun, From Jan To Dec, From birth till my death, my feelings 4 u have never changed. For me, you've always been a headache!

129 Characters

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Paani mein whiskey milao ta nasha chadta hai. Paani mein Rum milao to nasha chadta hai. Paani mein brandy milao to nasha chadta hai. Saala paani mein hi kuch gadbad hai.

169 Characters

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A baby fish asked her mother: Y can't we live on earth?
Mother Fish: Earth is not the place for FISH, it's made for selfish.

125 Characters

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Mom: Tujhe ladka pasand aaya ho to baat agey chalayen. Girl: Ladka to theek hai but mota hai. Mom: TV chahe 14" ka ho ya 29" ka remote 6" ka hi hota hai.

154 Characters

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What's the difference between wife n neighbours wife?
Wife is a chocolate, can have any time. Neighbour's wife is like an ice-cream, shud hv immediately.

155 Characters

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Oh menu dekhi jaandi c, main ohnu vekhi jaanda c
Oh mneu dekhi jaandi c, main ohnu vekhi jaanda c
Na paper mainu aanda c, na paper ohnu aanda c.

146 Characters

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It's the sweetest thing to do. Do it the bed, on a sofa, in the bathroom or anywhere! U must never stop doing it. It's called Prayer! God bless ur naughty mind.

160 Characters

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Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi hi ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho ho... Kuch nahi yaar bas aapki shakal yaad aa gayi!

144 Characters

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There is a sign in the toilet of the sex change clinic. It reads: We may never piss this way again.

99 Characters

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Gal: Do u have any sentimental love cards?
Shopkeeper: How about this card, it says 'To the only boy I ever loved'
Gal: Great! I want 10 of them.

147 Characters